Sanctuary Brandy and Tears
by Deadtom77
Summary: Post season 3. What if Helen could make it right. Fluffy ending.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I dont own the rights to Sanctuary or any of its characters.

**Sanctuary - Brandy and Tears Part 1**

Helen Magnus sat on the floor of her office staring into the log fire. Her arms wrapped around herself. The flickering flames of the hot roaring fire the only illumination in the room. Although the fire was roasting Helen felt nothing but cold. She sat staring into the flames trying to focus her mind. Lost in her thoughts she ignored the two people who but knelt bewildered beside her. In the last 24 hrs she had finally freed the love of her life from the creature that tortured him for over a hundred years and nearly lost her daughter. Her head was spinning with the emotions running through her.

" I think she might in shock" said the tall, handsome bald man worriedly.

"I've never seen her like this" the young girl apprehensively replied.

"Helen?"

The way he said her name made her shiver. The sound of his voice as said he said name brought back a thousand memories. Her mind whirled hearing the un asked questions just the simple speaking of her name posed.

The girl reached out her hand and rested it gently on Helen's shoulder. "Mom do you want…."

"Mom?" the man interrupted sharply.

The hurt angry tone of his voice eventually seemed to reach Helen and she turned from the fire towards him.

"John…" she started to say then found she couldn't talk as the tears that were threatening started to overwhelm her. She'd loved him with all her heart and soul but she been running from the man, monster and truth for over a century.

She took a deep breath and began again.

"John I can explain." she managed to choke out reaching out to him with her hand.

John had been glaring at her in disillusioned hurt anger but seeing Helen in turmoil, his anger crumbled and he reached out taking her hand and sitting on the floor in front of her.

"Helen?" he asked again. A million unspoken questions.

"Mom?" questioned the young girl also sitting down beside her mother and squeezing her shoulder. She was aware of the electric atmosphere in the room but didn't know its cause. The girl did not know who this 'John' was but he obviously had a profound effect on her mother.

Helen had been drinking in John's handsome features highlighted in the flickering firelight clinging to his hand with a death grip. At the sound of the girls voice she dragged her gaze from John.

"Ashley!" she breathed reaching out with her other hand to take Ashley's hand from her shoulder. She looked between her daughter and the man who was her father. Not knowing how to start and how to introduce them to each other at last.

"Mom what's going on?" Ashley glancing at John questioningly.

The exhaustion of all the years of lies and hiding suddenly became too much for Helen and felt the hysterical laughter bubble out of her.

"Mom"

"Helen" John and Ashley said in unison both concerned by the manic laughter coming from the women in front of them.

The concerned looks on their faces registered with Helen and she managed to stop laughing and drag in a deep breath.

"I guess I do owe you both an explanation." she said dragging in another steadying breath. Trying to figure out how to even begin. "Ashley would you pour us all some brandy please?" Helen asked squeezing her daughters hand.

Ashley returned her mothers squeeze and then sending John a dark look which read don't upset my Mom went and poured three stiff brandy's, handed them round and returned to sit by her mother.

"Thank you" John and Helen said together and then shared a smile. It had been two lifetimes since they drunk brandy in front of a fire together. Helen's smile not quite reaching her eyes as the painful memories of their past threaten to swamp her.

Ashley glanced from one to the other sensing some deeper communication going on between the pair. Which confused the hell out of her because she could tell whoever this 'John' was, he was someone important to her Mother but the man was a complete stranger to Ashley. She and her Mom shared everything - or so she thought.

Helen could see the confusion on her daughter's face. Could see that Ashley understood that this man was special in some way. See she was trying to work out how, and figure out why she had never met him. Helen took another deep breath in and knocked back the drink she been clutching. The brandy burned its way down her throat and made her choke but the shock pulled her thoughts back together and she suddenly knew where to begin.

Helen drew a deep breath and looked between John and Ashley. They were both here. Her lover and her daughter. It had been too long since she could and had touched John, and she almost lost her daughter tonight. The idea of never been able to touch or see Ashley again made Helen shiver in terror. Helen reached a hand out take one each of theirs. Helen needed the contact. John and Ashley glanced at each other as they both took the hand being held out to them by Helen.

"I need to start this tale at the beginning the very beginning." Helen told them. "And If you could both bear with me I'll fill in the gaps." Helen sighed closed her eyes and let herself remember…..

….Helen was in one her most favourite places the library at Oxford University. She loved the smell of the books and being that close to all that knowledge. She also loved flouting the rules of society by being the 1st women to be allowed to attend the revered university. It was the unenlightened age of 1884 and her expected role in life was to marry and become a wife. Helen Magnus had no intention of being anyone's wife. Their was far to many new and exciting things to be learned, do and discover for her to think about such silliness as men. She was she as usual lost in a science text soaking up as much information as she could. She had no concept of time when she picked up a book and hours could pass before she pulled herself away from it and back to the world around her. Today was no different as she had once again spent hours lost in her books. The sun was beginning to set when Helen became aware she was not alone. She was never alone, alone in the library but when Helen was lost in a book the room could be full with people and she would not hear or see any of them. But Helen couldn't seem to concentrate on her book. Something was nagging at her, almost like she could feel a presence - like whoever it was, was touching her. She glanced up to shake off the silly notion and found her eyes caught on a stranger sitting opposite her.

He was looking at her. He was a very handsome man. His black hair was long and he wore it tied back in a pony tail. Her eyes suddenly met his and Helen's breathing suddenly became restricted. She had no idea who this man was but he made her body feel alive in a way she never knew before. The look in his eyes made her want to reach out and run her fingers through his hair. Whoever he was he seemed to be as captivated by her as she was by him. Neither of them seemed able to look away. She suddenly became aware of how tight her stays were and how they were crushing against her breasts. And how the tightness made her breasts tingle with the crushing friction. The sensation making her nipples harden…

"Helen" Helen dragged her gaze and thoughts away from the stranger she was staring at and turned to her attention to her oldest and dearest friend James Watson.

"James" she smiled at him. Trying to school her voice and features into their normal countenance.

"Are you feeling quite well Helen?" James asked concerned. "You appear to be rather flushed?"

Helen felt herself blushing and busied herself gathering her books to hide the fact. She could not help to glance up to see if the handsome stranger she had been staring at her had heard James's remark but the stranger had disappeared. Helen felt herself start to frown. Maybe she had dreamt him up. She shook gave herself a mental shake and turned with a warm smile to her friend.

"I'm fine James. Just day dreaming" she said with a self depreciative grin.

"That's not like you." he replied.

"That's because I've been cooped up in this library all day." she said noticing for the first time the setting sun. Lets go get something to eat." she smiled reassuredly at him.

James seemed to accept her explanation and he didn't mention it again as they set off to find food. Walking beside her James started to tell of some new friends that Nikola Tesla had introduced him too that afternoon.

"Tesla's is bringing them to join us for dinner tonight" James continued. Helen had only been half listening her thoughts still with the stranger in the library, still trying to work out if she had imaged him and the feeling he had invoked in herself.

" That will be nice" Helen mumbled in reply knowing James expected her answer. She continued to let James lead the conversation nodding in the right places as they made their way down to the café just off campus where she James and Nikola had started to take their evening meals.

The bell over the door tinkled as they entered the quiet little café and the three men who had been seated at their usual table stood as Helen and James approached.

And Helen's breath caught in her throat once more as she realised the stranger from the library was one of the two men with Tesla.

Helen had a few moments to compose herself whist James had shook hands with all three men. James then took Helen's arm and pulled her forward.

"Helen Magnus this is Nigel Griffin" said James introducing her to a good looking gentleman about the same height as herself.

"Pleased to meet you Mr Griffin" Helen said a slight challenge in her voice as she held out her hand for Nigel to shake.

Nigel grinned at her and taking her hand, shook it saying "Pleased to meet you too". Helen couldn't help but grin back she was sure she was going to like this man.

"Hello Helen." Nikola Tesla charmingly smiled at her.

"Nikola" she acknowledged the dark haired Serbian.

Then Helen drew in a deep breath as James drew her attention to the last gentleman in their party. "And this Helen is Montague John Druitt" Said James.

He was tall was her first thought. She had not noticed that before as he had been sitting in the library. He had a slim build but he filled the suit he was wearing leaving her in no doubt of a muscled toned body beneath. Helen again felt the need to run her fingers through his hair to see if it was as soft as it looked. He seemed to tower over her and she could feel his nearness and gaze having the same effect on her as it had earlier. He looked down at her and their was curiosity, kindness and respect in his eyes but their was also something else that made her pulse race and her body ache. Helen never one to back away from anything drew in a deep breath and held out her hand daringly "Pleasure to meet you Mr Druitt". Druitt took Helen's hand and spark seemed to pass between them where their fingers touched setting her pulse to race. She could see he felt it too.

"A pleasure to meet you too Ms Magnus" replied John. "Please call me John." The sound of his voice made her shiver.

"John" she smiled at him in reply. The world seemed to shrink to just the two of them and they seemed to be holding hands and looking at each other for a life time but in fact it was just a few seconds before John released her hand. Breaking the hypnotic effect he seemed to have on her. Her hand tingled where their skin had meet and now they were no longer touching it felt like she had lost something.

"Shall we order?" Tesla's question interrupted Helen's thoughts. She dragged her gaze away from John and round to the others. She smiled at them as she sat down grateful for Nikola's need to be the centre off attention as it distracted her and saved her for making a fool of herself by staring at John again. Although she could not resist a glance to watch the way his tall lean body moved gracefully as he and the others sat down.

"Indeed" she replied. "I starving" she said smiling at the four men.

Hiding behind the menu Helen managed to regain her composure and slipped a mask over her features to hide her true thoughts from her fellow diners…

"A mask I was to wear two life times." Helen said. Bringing her mind back from the past to the present to the two people who sat with her in the fire light.

She looked at John. She could see the swirling emotions in his eyes as he too remembered the day they met. Her own cheeks were wet. The tears she had been holding back finally falling without her knowing.

"Are you ok Mom?" her daughter asked.

Helen dragged her gaze from John's to her beloved daughter. "It was two lifetimes ago but it still feels like yesterday." Helen sighed. "I fell in love Ashley" Helen confessed. Desperately trying to control the tears that the pain of the guilty admission had brought on.

"Mom…" Ashley didn't know what to say. She was sure that somehow the John her mother was talking about was the man sitting and griping her mother's other hand as if he was holding on to a life raft. But how could that be if it happened when her mom was back at Oxford? All Ashley knew was that her Mom was in pain so she shifted closer and putting her arms around her.

"Mom its ok you don't have tell me if…."

"No. Its time you knew the truth." Helen was vehement. She looked into Ashley's eyes with a new sense a strength. She couldn't go on hiding the truth and now John was free of his demon their was no reason they both couldn't be told. Once they knew Helen would be free too. Free from the lies. She wiped her eyes and leaned into her daughters hug.

"I fell in love" Helen continued. "It was not what you would call a whirl wind romance." Helen smiled as she looked back. "It was in fact months before either of us voiced the deeper feelings we had for each other. We took things slowly and became the best of friends. So when we finally gave in to our deeper feelings it was like coming home." Helen drew in breath and looked over to John interlocking the fingers of their joint hands. "He was my soul mate." Helen husked.

John squeezed Helen's fingers his eyes never leaving hers. He wanted to take in his arms and show her she was still his soul mate but the presence of Helen's daughter prevented him. Helen's daughter. He dragged his gaze away long enough to look at the beautiful younger version of the women he loved and in the firelight for the first time noticed striking similarities to someone else. But how could that be? He turned back to Helen and opened his mouth to speak.

Helen who had been watching him closely gave a slight shake of her head and although John frowned he remained silent respecting her wishes.

"I was determined back then I was going to be no ones wife but when John asked me to marry him there was only one answer I could give." Helen continued. Dragging her gaze from John to once more look at their child in the firelight."

"You were engaged?" Ashley asked shocked. Her Mom engaged. Ashley could not believe it. Her Mom who relied on no one. Ashley suddenly realised for the first time that her self contained confident no nonsense mother must have led a very lonely life.

Helen had been watching the emotions pass over her daughters face. "Yes. I was amazed too" Helen smiled at her. "But I was happy, settled, our work had come on in leaps and bounds.." Helen paused her smile becoming wistful.

"… it was wonderful whilst it lasted." The mask that she usually wore to world falling over her features to hide her pain.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Sanctuary Brandy and Tears Part 2**_

_Helen took a deep breath and looked into her daughters eyes. "You know I was part of something we called The Five. You know we did experiments. You know we pushed the boundaries of science. What you don't know is that the most dangerous experiment we ever did. We performed on ourselves." Helen confessed._

_Ashley looked confused and concerned so Helen hurried to continue._

"_The short version of events is I procured a vile of untainted ancient vampire blood. The source blood." Helen sighed taking another deep breath. "Which we 'The Five' then used to create a serum we then injected into ourselves." Helen continued in a rush. Scared to see condemnation in her daughters eyes._

"_You injected yourselves?" Ashley asked shocked._

_Whilst looking into her mothers eyes though some of the pieces of the puzzle finally fell into place. "Your longevity, Griffin being able to turn invisible, Watson's genius, Count Dracula….?" Helen had to grin at Ashley's description of Nikola Tesla. The grin quickly faded though as Ashley dragged her gaze from her mother and turned to the man she didn't know was her father? "And your gift?" Ashley asked. No longer needing confirmation this was somehow the man her mother fell in love with over a century ago._

"_Teleportation" whispered John. Who had finally worked out who was Ashley's father._

"_Teleportation….Cool!" said Ashley dragging her gaze away from John who was watching her intently. Both Helen and John couldn't help but grin at Ashley view of John's gift._

"_Well it certainly helped with meeting in secret in time when holding hands in public was frowned upon" Helen said with mischief in her voice. Catching John's eyes each smiled remembering._

_Helen closed her eyes breaking the spell he always had over her. Just looking into his eyes made the rest of the world fade away. She took a deep breath and continued. "Life was all perfectly idyllic until John became ill." The mask she wore for over a century fully in place once more. " John's body began to reject the source blood. He was dying Ashley." Helen closed her eyes and shuddered with the agony of the memory. She opened them again to look at her daughter. "The only way we could save John was to inject him with a serum James and I derived from the healing powers of my own blood." Helen closed her eyes. She didn't want to re live the memories of what followed but both John and Ashley deserved to know the truth._

"_It worked though?" Ashley interrupted her thoughts. "I mean John's still here right?" she asked glancing over at him. _

" _Yes it worked" choked out Helen. "but it drove him mad!" Helen continued in a agonised whisper._

_Ashley tightened her grip around her mothers shoulder's sending John a suspicious look. "Mom I ….."_

"_Please Ashley. I know its confusing but please bear with me." Helen pleaded with her daughter looking deep into her eyes. Ashley nodded confused but like her father remained silent as she waited for her mother to continue._

"_After we cured John he changed." Helen proceeded determined to get through this as quickly as possible. "He became distant. He started to keep things from me." Helen felt John grip her hand tighter. Knowing he to was reliving the unravelling of his mind. She returned his squeeze without taking her eyes from Ashley's. "Before he was ill we never spent a moment apart day or night. Two halves of the same whole." Helen wistfully recounted admitting the depth of their relationship. "After he recovered though he started to drift away from me emotionally and physically." Helen's gaze turned sombre. "Eventually their were some nights where he never turned up at all." Helen couldn't keep the agony of hurt and disillusionment she'd felt back then out of her voice. "I tried to reach him but it seemed every time I'd took an emotional step closer John took one back." Helen took a deep breath. "We drifted on like that for months / years. John withdrawing more into himself and me throwing myself more and more into my work to try to cope with the distance that had grown between us. Even when we were together their was an awkwardness between us brought by the stranger that now stared out of his eyes. Eventually John started to spend more nights away then with me. Then one night John appeared in my room just as I was retiring to bed. I was surprised as it had been weeks since to see me." Helen was lost again in the memories of the past…._

…_.. "John?" Helen asked a thousand questions with his name. Unsure of the stranger he had become. _

"_Helen" he breathed her name like it was a prayer. He walked towards her and pulled her into his arms. And she looked into eyes she could see the stranger was gone and it was her John once again who held her tenderly in his arms. _

"_John" she cried out quietly as she raised up on tip toe to kiss him her arms wrapping about him holding him close. Trying to convey with her kiss just how much she had missed him. Helen nibbled at John's lower lip and understanding John parted his lips so she could slip her tongue into his mouth. As their tongues reacquainted themselves with each other Helen clung tighter to John the weeks of pent up sexual frustration and loneliness at his absence making her desperate to make love to him once more. Helen tried to deepen the kiss her need for him out of control but John wanted to take things slowly and revel in this reunion. John eased slightly back out of her embrace gentling their kiss. He lifted his mouth from hers drawing in a deep breath and looking deep into her eyes. "Your sure my love?" He asked his desire for her naked in his eyes. _

_The tears she didn't know she was holding onto spilled unheeded down her cheeks. He'd asked her that the very first time he's made love to her - her John was finally home. Her answer was to reach up and draw his head down for a searing kiss. She nibbled at his lips until he opened his mouth allowing their tongues to explore each other again._

_Without breaking the kiss John lifted Helen carrying her to and gently laying her down on the bed. He dragged his mouth from hers to draw in a deep breath and look into her eyes as his hands slowly worked their way down her covered body desperate to get touch her skin. She was wearing white lace demure nightdress he had never seen in her before. He guessed she was wearing it as she not been expecting him. It made her look prim and proper and he never wanted her more. _

_He slowly trailed his fingers down over her breasts which were straining against her gown. He bent his head to take the one breast in his mouth through the material whilst he kneaded the other with his hand. Helen began to tremble beneath him. He released her breasts to look back into her eyes as his wondering hands continued down her body. As his fingers trailed over her pelvis to her thighs her hips thrust up towards him. Desperate for him to touch her there. But his fingers continued their journey down past to the hem of her gown just below her knees. "John" she cried out as his fingers brushed against the inside of her knee. Her hands gripping the bed sheets beneath her bunching them in her fists trying to hold on to her sanity, desperate to have him inside her again. His own desire stained against his trousers as he found she wore nothing but skin under the nightgown. "Please…" she gasped out as fingers slowly began to travel back up pushing the nightgown up out of his way as he seductively stroked her with his fingers slowly working his way back up her legs. He followed his fingers with his lips and he nipped and suckled at her skin. She bucked beneath him. He stopped just short of the heart of her were he could see she was hot and ready for him. "John!" she cried out as he slowly slide his fingers into her. He slowly pushed his fingers in and out of her bringing her to the edge but not quite sending her over into oblivion. "John please" Helen begged beyond thought. John replaced his fingers with his mouth and suckled her. Helen let go of the sheets to grasp his head as John continued to drink her, licking his tongue in and out of her. She suddenly came shouting his name and clutching his head to her. _

_Before she could catch her breath Helen could feel the desire building again as John continued to suckle her._

_This time Helen wanted more, she wanted to touch, wanted John inside her once again. She pulled his head up to hers where she kissed him deeply tasting herself on his lips. She continued to kiss him as her hands moved to his clothes tearing at his cravat, pulling his shirt from his trousers. John was desperate to be inside Helen too and managed to drag his mouth from hers long enough to stand and shed his top clothes. Helen sat up and undid his belt and trousers letting them fall to the floor and freeing his desire. Helen leaned forward and took John into her mouth suckling him as he had her. John flinched. _

"_Helen" he groaned out. Pleading with her to stop, to never stop. As Helen continued to suck and nibble John could feel himself about lose control. _

"_No Helen" he managed to choke out pulling her head away from him and looking into her eyes. "Together love" he groaned out. He released her head and reached down to the edge of her nightgown. Helen understanding shifted her weight and lifted her arms allowing John to lift the nightgown off her and throw it away. Their eyes both travelled the other's bodies before coming to lock together once more. _

"_John"_

"_Helen" _

_They breathed each others name whist reaching out to each other. Their lips met and they fell together naked at last back onto the bed. Lips and hands touching everywhere they could reach. Helen took one of John nipples into her mouth sucking and nipping at it. John fingers found Helen's centre and he again found her wet and ready for him._

"_John…." she husked._

_John moved over Helen and she spread her legs wide. She could feel the tip of him at the core of her and she grasped his hips and thrust up to take him deep inside her. They both groaned at the movement. Helen was wet and tight and the feel of her was like a warm glove around him. It was driving him insane. He was starting to lose his control but he was determined to make sure Helen came with him so he started to move slowly in and out of her._

_Helen cried out at the feel of him inside her. She wrapped her legs around his waist taking him deeper into her. Making them both cry out._

"_Helen I can't…"_

"_More John please" Helen begged and John gave into what they both needed. He suddenly started to move faster and thrust harder into Helen and she meet him thrust for thrust. John pulled back almost completely out of her and then pushed back in again faster and harder. Again and again. Their lips were fused in dance that mirrored their hips. They were as close as two people could be and still they tried to get closer. Each desperately hanging on to the other - matching each other stoke for stoke in a rhythm that was uniquely theirs. Neither could breath as they suddenly came together. Her release unfolded around him as he poured himself into her._

_John rolled to his side taking Helen with him so she lay on top of him. Their bodies still joined. "I love you Helen." He whispered stoking the hair from her face and looking deep into her eyes. "For all eternity"_

"_I love you too John" Helen replied. Happy tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. _

_She snuggled into John not wanting this moment to end . Not sure what had changed to bring him back to her but thankful they were together at last…_

…_."Mom" Helen suddenly blushed as she looked into her daughters eyes realising she hadn't said anything in a while. "You said John came back to you?" Ashley asked._

_Helen realised she had slipped into her memories. The edited version she gave Ashley bringing it all back. She let go off John's hand to turn and face her daughter and take both of Ashley's hands in hers. "Yes you must understand it was John. I was with John that night Ashley." Helen pleaded with her daughter as she heard John draw in a sharp breath. He was far from stupid the man she loved - she knew he had worked it out._

"_Mom I…."_

"_I never really saw him again after that Ashley." Helen interrupted. Not yet wanting to explain why it was so important Ashley knew who made love to her that night. "Well I never saw just John anyway." Looking into her daughters eyes she could see was confused and frustrated. Helen dragged in another deep breath. "You see Ashley John is…. John was…." Helen stumbled how could she tell her that man who was her father was also Jack the Ripper._

"_I'm Jack the Ripper" whispered John not hiding the self disgust. Looking to see the expected horror appear on what he was sure was his daughters face. Ignoring Helen's groan of pain John watched the emotions chase across Ashley's face._

_Ashley looked at the man who sat opposite her and could see by the self loathing evident on his face that he was not joking. She heard her mother draw in a deep breath waiting for her response. Jack the Ripper - the man her mother loved. Driven mad by the blood her Mom herself had injected him with. Jack the ripper the most notorious murderer in history. "Bloody hell!" Ashley gasped looking between her mom and the murderer. _

_Helen burst out in hysterical laughter! She knew it was stress of the situation but couldn't't help it. Ashley just found out she was sitting opposite Jack the Ripper and her reaction was a cool 'bloody hell!' _

_Ashley frowned at her mother as you continued to laugh hysterically and was amazed when John joined her with bitter laughter. _

"_What's funny exactly?" Ashley asked getting a little annoyed knowing they were for some reason laughing at her._

"_You really are amazing you know darling." Helen said soberly drawing her daughter to her for a hug. Holding her tight. " I wish I'd taken the news as well." Helen regretfully said her eyes meeting John's._

"_Yes well I'm guessing that as I'm neither in love with nor going to marry him the news he's Jack the Ripper does not have effect on me it would have had on you." Ashley said hugging her mother back. Trying to relieve some of the hurt she knew her mother had kept to herself all these years. Her annoyance evaporating hearing her mothers pain._

_At her words both John and Helen inhaled sharply and Helen choked back a sob._

"_Mom its ok I'm here" Ashley reassured her hugging her mother tighter. Helen clung to her daughter desperately trying to regain control over herself. Fighting back the horror of almost losing Ashley too. She almost wasn't here. Hearing Helen's sob John had moved closer and took Helens hand in his own again resting their joint hands against their daughters back. Their eyes met and as ever a thousand words were spoken silently between them. Helen gave both Ashley and John an extra squeeze and released them both. _

"_I'm ok." she said convincing no one._

"_Yeah sure you are Mom." Ashley sassed._

_Ashley's tone helped Helen to pull herself together. "I'm fine" Helen said with much more her old confidence. "Its just that it took me a long time for me to face the truth back then and here you are calmly just accepting of it" Helen said bemused._

"_Again with not being his fiancée and him being a stranger." Both Helen and John flinched at this. "That helps." Ashley desperately trying to comfort her Mom. " And ok it's a little strange but Mom our whole world is strange. In fact I think having a brandy with Jack the ripper is not even the weirdest thing I've done this week." Ashley said supportively sensing that it was really important to her mother that she not freak out at this news._

"_Aren't you afraid?" breathed John. Ashley looked at him and could see for whatever reason he was the one who appeared to be afraid. Afraid of her answer perhaps? She could see her Mom watching her intently. She drew in a deep breath before she replied._

"_Well if I'm honest no." she replied more confidently than she felt. She could see the fear in his eyes turn to confusion and then for some reason anger._

"_Why aren't you afraid?" he asked not quite keeping the anger out of his voice._

_Ashley didn't know why he would be angry that she wasn't afraid of him unless it was some ego trip and her annoyance returned. "Well" Ashley began exasperated. Trying to hold on to her temper. "One, you don't seem to be all the Ripper'y at the moment. Two, Mom would never have let you into our home if she thought for one minute you would hurt us. And three, I'm carrying a gun which I'm pretty damn quick with." Ashley finished not quite able to hide her annoyance._

_John and Helen looked at their daughter and then each other. Then they both burst out in genuine laughter. _

"_Well I guess that told me then!" John said sobering a little when he realised although she had taken the news he was a murderer well enough for now how would she react when Helen finally told her the truth._

_Helen seemed to have the same thought because she suddenly took Ashley's hand again as she continued with their tale._


	3. Chapter 3

**Sanctuary - Brandy and Tears Part 3**

"No I didn't't take the news well." Helen said taking a deep breath at the understatement and looking at John. "I was numb. I couldn't feel anything. I found it hard to go on with life." Helen painfully admitted. Not confessing her real thoughts of ending it all. "In fact I had to put some things on hold" she whispered looking deep into John's eyes knowing he would understand what she was saying. Knowing he had understood as he drew in a sharp breath at her words. "Once it sunk in the fact that John was gone I threw myself into work." she continued losing herself in the past once again….

….. Helen knew her thoughts were drifting. Knew she needed to fight harder to concentrate on what James was saying. But she couldn't seem to find the energy. She felt empty. Everything that was important to her was gone. John… the baby… She drew in a ragged breath. She was not sure how she continued to breath. She went through the motions. The work at the Sanctuary was never done. Now she was here supposedly listening to James prattle on about their latest intake. Helen didn't really care. Nothing would ever fill the hole were her heart used to be. It would be such a relief to end it all. She had access to all kinds of poisons - a little of this, little of that. Knock it back quick like a shot of bandy. And the pain would end. The loneliness of this never ending hell she found herself in would end. It really would be so easy. But every time her thoughts turned to giving up she remembered. She remembered the way the child had moved inside her. Remembered the way it had kicked her giving her every reason to live. One day when it was safe. Oh how she longed to hold her child. John's child. Her empty arms ached. She barley remembered the day James had performed the procedure to remove and freeze the embryo growing inside her because of the sedation. When she finally had come round she felt like she been hollowed out. She sometimes wished she'd never woken back up. Part of her soul had shrivelled when she saw John take that poor women's life. Proof positive that her John and their love was gone forever. And another piece of her soul had been ripped out of her with the removal of their child. How the hell was she supposed to go on from here.

"Helen where are you?" asked James knowing full well where Helen thought's had gone. The emptiness was back in her eyes.

Helen pulled her mind back to the conversation at hand slipping back on the mask she now wore to the world. No one would know her suicidal thoughts - she would show no one how weak she really was. She plastered on a smile for James.

"Why I'm sat right in front of you James Watson. And you call yourself a detective when you can't even detect me sitting right in front of you." She smiled and teased him but none it reached her eyes…

… " Eventually with routine the pain dulled." Helen continued her abbreviated account, still looking into John's eyes. "It never really went away but the were whole hours where I could lose myself in my work and put it from my mind." Helen took a deep breath and glossed over the worst of those hellish agonizing years. "In fact I'd done a pretty good job of convincing myself that I was over John Druitt in the ten years that followed." Helen paused and took another deep breath. "Until she turned up." Helen whispered.

"She who Mom?" Ashley asked glaring at her John. Thinking he'd taken another lover back then to taunt her mother with.

Helen breathed deeply again and looked at her daughter. "She, her , me - Helen Magnus."

Ashley turned back to her mother giving her a look akin to if she head just sprouted two heads. "I'm sorry who?" Ashley asked thinking that maybe her Mom had finally flipped.

"Would you do us another round of brandy's please?" Helen asked John this time. He nodded his head and smoothly rose to his feet. He moved like a panther Ashley realised with a small shiver that this man could easily come up behind you and slit your throat. She pulled her thoughts away from the conundrum of John Druitt and concentrated on her mother again. That they needed more brandy meant this tale was not done - how much worse could it get? Ashley asked herself bleakly.

John had just brought the decanter back with and refilled all their glasses. He handed one to Helen who took it gratefully and then one to Ashley.

"Here you will need this" John said to her. "I'm guessing as you haven't questioned Mom's sanity you know what she's on about?" Ashley asked him.

"Indeed I do" replied John with a dark smile that made Ashley shiver again.

Helen again knocked back the brandy she was holding making her choke again. The burning again helped focus her mind, again giving her the strength to continue.

"I can see how you might think I'm mad Ashley. I certainly thought I was seeing things when she/I walked into the room." Helen looked into the flames as once more she slipped back into the past…


	4. Chapter 4

**Sanctuary - Brandy and Tears Part 4**

… "Hello is someone there?" Helen asked pulling a revolver out of the purse she now carried everywhere. She could sense someone was there and her thoughts as ever went straight to John. Her heart leaped into throat not just in fear but if she was honest also longing. It had been ten long lonely years since she had last seen him. She knew the Sanctuary was all locked up and could only think one person who could so easily get in.

""Helen" called a voice she was so shocked to recognize she dropped the gun. Not her John as she had feared / hoped but someone far more frightening walked towards her - Dr Helen Magnus. Not the Helen Magnus she knew in the mirror. This Helen's hair was darker and she was dressed strangely in men's clothes but clearly still her own self stood in front of her.

For a minute the two Helen's stood staring at each other. The dark haired Helen thinking this was a huge mistake. And the blonde one wondering weather she was going insane. They both spoke at the same time.

"I know …." the dark haired Helen begin.

"How?" the blonde haired Helen asked in astonishment.

The dark haired Helen took a deep breath and said "I know this makes no sense as its impossible but I know you will believe me when I say I'm from the future."

The blonde Helen took a deep breath. She thought maybe her mind was playing tricks on her so reached out and was shocked to feel the solidness of the vision in front of her. She drew in another deep breath as her mind raced. If she could touch she was real and that only left one possibility. "Your either from the future or I've finally lost my mind!" she finally replied.

The future Helen laughed self mockingly, knowing exactly how much the younger women believed the idea to be mad. "Your not insane though that's what I said when I heard he was attempting Time travel."

The young Helen was still struggling to accept that in the future time travel was possible but the proof was stood in front of her.

"Who was attempting….."

"You know I can't tell you" interrupted the future Helen. Knowing the younger women would understand the damage that could be done by changing the past.

The younger Helen nodded. If indeed she was from the future the slightest thing could have far reaching repercussions. The world as the future Helen knew it may never exist. "No. I guess you cant. The butterfly effect." she said understanding. "I'm also guessing your coming to see me is off up most importance else you wouldn't be here."

The future Helen sighed "No I should not be here at all" shaking her head disbelievingly at herself, "but I find as I am here I can't bring myself to pass up the opportunity to try to change the future." she painfully confessed. Shaking her head at her own weakness.

"John…." the younger Helen said with longing revealing the depth of her feeling for him still. The future Helen looked at her and nodded. Too choked with the agonising memories of things yet to pass. Of losses so great she knew she couldn't let herself go through them again.

"Your too late" continued the younger Helen with a catch in her voice. "We've already injected the source blood."

"I know" said the future Helen "but you can still help him." she admitted softly trying to contain her overwhelming grief.

"How?" Pleaded the younger women not trying to hide her need for the man who was a insane murderer.

The future Helen took a deep breath and held up her hands "I'm desperately trying not to change the future too much. My simply being here could have catastrophic effects. You know I cant tell you ."

"But!.." the younger women began to argue.

"But I can tell you he will come to you." the future Helen said overriding her protest.

"He'll come to me?" the younger Helen asked hopefully / fearfully.

The future Helen nodded "Yes and you must listen to him. Hear him out. And then you must find a way to help him. It can be done." The future Helen insisted trying to convey a thousand messages in a look. Wanting to say so much more but not daring too.

"Soon?" the younger women asked longingly.

The future Helen sighed "That I don't know. I never understood in my time line. I couldn't help him" She confessed painfully and drew in a deep breath. "But I've told John the truth now. He knows a cure can be found. He just has to ask for help and you know how he loves to ask for help." she continued with a sad mocking smile.

The younger Helen gave sad smile in reply "Proud and stubborn till the end".

The future Helen laughed bitterly. "Yes that's our John."

The two women looked at each other and then the elder Helen gave herself a mental shake " I have to go" she said but made no move to leave.

Their eyes met the older women desperately wanting to tell it all. Tell that there was a horror greater than losing John to face.

"What is it?" asked the younger women understanding there was more the older Helen wanted to say.

"I cant.." the older Helen said suddenly turning away and moving quickly towards the door but when she got there she stopped. She pulled out an envelope and laid it on the table by the door.

"Do we still love him?" the younger Helen asked desperately. The future Helen turned to give her a desolate look. The pain of having lied too and then losing her future John burning raw and excruciatingly inside her. Agonizing with the fact he died thinking she didn't care.

"For all eternity!" she confessed devastatingly and was gone…

….Helen dragged her gaze back from the flames to the two people beside her who meant the everything to her. She looked at Ashley knowing John knew most of all that followed. "At first I thought I'd dreamt it" she said smiling self mockingly at her daughter. "Until I saw the envelope with my name on in my own handwriting. Handwriting I'd never written." Helen paused.

"Mom what did the letter say?" Ashley asked. Ashley was struggling to believe that her Mom had been visited by her future self but she knew from the conviction of her Mother's voice that she believed it was real. And this was her Mom. The most sane grounded person she knew and if she believed it was true then that was good enough for Ashley.

Helen smiled dolefully at her "So you still don't believe I've gone nuts then?" she asked her daughter.

"Mom after all you've been through and seen I reckon you would well be in your rights to be insane" Ashley replied smiling sadly back at her mother "but you're the most sane grounded person I've ever met."

Helen laughed "That makes sound very old and boring"

Ashley joined her in her laughter "You may well be very old mother but I don't think anyone would dare call you boring!" At this John joined the two women laughing.

"I couldn't agree more" he said smiling at them both. He caught Helen's eyes and she gave a slight nod which sobered John. He turned his gaze to the young women who was his daughter.

"I also know your mother not to be mad as the future Helen Magnus also paid myself a visit." He said gravely - himself becoming lost in his past…..


	5. Chapter 5

_**Sanctuary - Brandy and Tears Part 5**_

…_..John teleported back into the flat he'd been keeping. The evil voice within him sated for the moment by the pretty young whore whom he had just violently bedded. And then even more satisfying to the rage within him, he had slowly slit her throat. He walked to the basin on his bedside table to wash the blood from his hands when he suddenly froze. Helen. He could feel her gaze. He drew in a deep breath taking in her scent. He would know it blind folded. "Its rude to break and enter my Dear." he said whilst washing his hands. _

"_Hello John." she replied in a not quite so steady voice. Once he dried his hands John stuck a match a lit the wall gas lamp lighting the room with flicking shadows. Inhaling in a deep breath filling his senses with her scent again, he turned towards her and sucked in a shocked breath._

_The women before him was a not the Helen he knew. For one thing her hair was darker and she was attired in a shirt and trousers and holding a gun he did not recognise on him. Desire slammed into him. Whoever this Helen was he wanted her as much as ever. He was quick to hide his reaction. _

"_Well this is a new look for you Helen." he quipped taking his time looking her up and down and noting the effect it had on her. Her hand now not quite so steady. _

"_John…" Helen began but he stopped her holding his hands up._

"_Where or should I say when are you from?" he asked casually._

_Helen drew in a deep breath. She should have known it would not take him long to figure it out. She almost forgotten how gorgeous he looked with his long hair tied back, used to her John's sexy baldness. It made her want to run her fingers threw it just one more time. It was so good to see him. Even if he was already possessed by that thing. She was trying hard not to reach out touch him, love him. It had been so long since she had the pain of it choking her. Now more than ever knowing that not a hour ago back in her own time her John had died. Helen took another deep breath battling to control herself._

"_The future." she replied sharply. "It doesn't matter how far."_

_The future. His mind whirled at implications._

"_Well future Helen what bring you to my humble abode?" he asked never taking his eyes off hers. His unreadable in the flickering lamp light._

"_Have you come for a chat and a walk down memory lane or have you come to end this unending dance of ours?" he asked bitterly._

"_I've come to help you John?" she replied as calmly as she could._

_He laughed mockingly. "Well that obviously worked well the first time round my Dear as you're here from the future to try again" he said suddenly making a lunge for the gun and knocking it out of her hand. The gun clattered to floor and John advanced upon Helen backing her up against the wall. He moved so close that their bodies touched from hip to breast. He leaned down and breathed in deeply. "How I missed your scent Helen. You have a smell that is uniquely you, you know." John breathed looking down into her eyes._

_Helen tilted her head back to look him in the eyes. "I know what's wrong with you John. I can help you." she said ignoring his comment and trying to focus on what she had to tell him. _

"_What if I'm happy in my madness what if I don't want to be helped." he almost growled at her. The voice inside stirring._

"_But you do want help" Helen replied huskily taking in his scent as he had hers. He also had a unique smell that was all John (not that she'd ever tell him that) and it was bringing back memories Helen had spent two lifetimes trying to forget. " Your not mad John. Nor has the source blood made you a killer." she breathed. Then laughed at herself mockingly. 135 years and she was still trying to save John Druitt._

_John frowned down at her moving back a little to let the lamp light fall on her face to better see her eyes._

"_What's so funny" he queried._

_Helen stopped laughing and drew in another gasp of air. She looked up into his eyes. "Your possessed by an energy elemental abnormal. It latched onto you during one of jumps not long after you first started to teleport and it has been driving you slowly mad ever since with its blood lust!" she managed to get out in a rush._

_John just continued to look down at her. His penetrating gaze never leaving hers reading the truth in her eyes. She could see him going over what she had told him. See it beginning to make sense to him. Finally knowing what was wrong with himself and accepting it. All this she read in his eyes. _

"_You can get it out of me?" he asked as he leaned in close again._

_Helen could feel John's desire pushing against her even with them both fully clothed. She drew in a deep breath to help concentrate on why she was there. _

"_Yes. No. Not me. Your Helen." Helen took another deep breath. "She can help you. You have to go to her John and tell her. Tell her about the elemental." Helen sighed. "Let her save you." she whispered._

_John looked down at her. And smiled menacingly. "Why have you come to me with this. Why not tell Helen?" He queried challengingly. _

"_Maybe I have" Helen's hunger for him making her snap back defensively. _

"_No. No you wouldn't have told us both. Whatever your reason for being back here in he past I'm guessing your time is too precious to go round doing things twice. You came to me for reason." He paused thoughtfully. _

"_This is a test isn't it Helen. To see if I truly want to be rid of thing in me."_

_He leaned closer again not even oxygen between them now and looked deep into her eyes. _

_Helen closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. They would always know each other like this - know the other's thoughts. She prayed there was enough of John left inside to fight for control for long enough to let her younger self help him. That this time she wouldn't spend two life times alone. When she opened her eyes she saw John's face just inches from her own. She finally gave in to the urge she had since he had appeared in the room and ran her hands threw his hair drawing his head down for a kiss. She kissed him long and hard until neither of them could breath. Then she shoved him away from her and moved quickly away towards the door. She turned to take a last look at him in the lamp light. John was leaning against the wall breathing hard. He smiled tauntingly at her._

"_Definitely not my Helen." he murmured slowly liking his lips. _

_Helen turned back to the door and pulled it open. As she was about to step through it he asked "Why did you laugh?"_

_She turned to look at him. This man she has always loved. The excruciating memory of losing her John fresh in her mind. Knowing that once she had done what she came here to do she would be no more so this was a last chance to say goodbye. She memorised his features for the last time and smiled wistfully. Looking deep into his eyes she said "For all eternity" as she turned and walked out closing the door behind her…_

…_. John looked between mother and daughter after he finished his version of what had passed between him and the future Helen. Helen had heard it before and was lost in the memories that followed that night but Ashley was just beginning to understand._

"_Oh my God." she said. " You have a insane parasite inside you. Trying to control you. That's awful." The unimaginable horror of it making her shudder with understanding. The torture of what John must have gone though every day for over a hundred years. Was still going through. "But if its a parasite that means we can find a way to get that thing out of you. Give you some peace. Let you be you again." she said hopefully looking between Helen and John. She was so like her mother. Quick to understand and then her first thought to help. To help save a stranger._

"_Your mother cured me. I'm free of the creature." John told his daughter. His self loathing at what he had done in past though clear in his eyes. His gaze travelling to Helen's face. She was looking at him. He could see the pain, guilt and self disgust in her eyes. "You did save me." he reiterated trying to comfort her and wipe out the pain in her eyes. _

_Helen squeezed his hand "Not soon enough." she whispered wretchedly. _

_Torturing herself with knowledge of what he had had to do to gain enough control to be able to teleport back to her a second time. _

_Ashley watching the two people in front of her realised she was far from understanding all that had transpired between them but the one thing she was sure off Helen Magnus and John Druitt had some way un-finished business to sort out between them. _


	6. Chapter 6

**Sanctuary - Brandy and Tears part 6**

The air sizzled as her mother continued to stare into John's eyes and Ashley felt like she was intruding on a private moment. Time to remind them I'm in the room Ashley thought."Told you' ya didn't seem all that Ripper'y" Ashley said forcing a smile into her voice hoping to lighten the situation.

Both Helen and John turned to look at their daughter. Helen could barely breath. She was desperate to tell Ashley that John was her father. She was tired of the lies. But their was still so much that Ashley needed to be told.

"Oh Ashley" Helen sighed. Ashley moved closer to her mother draping an arm around her shoulder.

"What is it mom" asked Ashley trying to understand the pain in her mothers eyes.

Helen turned to rest her head on Ashley's shoulder and to look into the crackling fire. "John did come to me over a hundred years ago and told me of the elemental residing in his body." Ashley felt her mother sigh against her. "My John." Helen sighed again. " God Ashley it finally all made sense. The stranger John had become. The murders." At this Helen shuddered and John sucked in a deep breath. "My John was in their Ashley. I had just had to find a way to set him free." Helen paused. "I'm 160 Ashley but there has never been enough time." she whispered. "Because time of course was our greatest enemy as that point." Helen continued fiercely. "Because although John had gained enough control to come to me for help it was only a matter of time before the elemental took full control of John again. And once that happened their was nothing we could do stop him just teleporting away again to God knows where." The frustration and pain she was feeling back then clear in her voice. "No room or chains would hold him. And we didn't have the luxury of an EM shield back then." Helen mocked herself. "There was only one way that we could ensure the creature wouldn't take back over and steal John away again." Helen dragged in another deep breath. "We had to drug him" she painfully confessed.

John took Helen's hand. "It was the only way love" he murmured lost in shared memories.

Helen laughed bitterly "Yes and it worked so well!"

" You can't blame yourself Helen." John told her sharply.

"Cant I?" she him bitterly pulling her hand from his and wrapping her arms round herself leaning deeper back into Ashley.

Ashley squeezed her Mom "What happened?" she asked quietly.

"I made a mistake." Helen said angrily. " I couldn't have been paying proper attention to what I was doing and didn't reconnect John's drip properly. And my incompetence let him and the evil inside him wake up and escape." Helen said shaking her head to try clear some the self condemnation she felt. Her incompetence had let him / it escape. Her John, her love had come to her for help and she'd failed him and it had nearly killed him to gain enough control to get back to her again.

"For god's sake Helen you'd been working round the clock for weeks trying to a cure. Or even just a way to keep me from teleporting. I'm just glad when I woke it was Nikola their and not you. God knows that thing was in a rage. I had no control." John saw Helen stiffen and sit up pulling away from both him and Ashley at his words. He tried not to be hurt by her reaction and couldn't help but castrate himself for bringing her pain again if only by bringing up the past.

Helen slowly turned towards John taking a deep breath. "What did you say?" she asked.

John could see Helen was angry. He knew she had a right to be but was still hurt and confused by her reaction.

He cleared his throat. "I said I had no control over the creature it was in …."

"No not that." Helen almost shouted. Helen took a deep breath and continued more calmly. "Did you just say Nikola was their when you woke up?"

Helen's mask was back in place and John found for once he could not read her. He couldn't understand what she was so angry about. Surely she knew he'd attacked Nikola when he had escaped.

"Yes Nikola was leaning over me and when I came too. I attacked him." He admitted ashamed. "If he'd been human he'd have been dead. God it could have been you" John confessed with self loathing and disgust.

"That bastard" Helen burst out angrily.

John dragged his thoughts back from the horror of himself hurting Helen and looked at her shocked.

"That no good lying rat faced bastard." Helen continued. " I'll bloody kill him."

"Mom what…?"

"Nikola Tesla!" Helen spat the name out. "All these years he let me believe…." Helen broke off as she started to sob.

"Helen." John called her name desperately wanting to reach out and take her into his arms but not unsure of how Helen would react to that so instead he curled his fingers into his palms to stop himself reaching out for her. He had to be content with watching his daughter hold Helen in comfort.

"Mom what did Tesla do?" Ashley asked trying to keep with up with what her mother was telling her.

"That blood sucking scum let me believe I was the one responsible for John's escape all those years ago. Knowing how it tortured me to know I'd failed John. Knowing how I….." Helen choked up again as her anger gave way to tears. She dragged in a ragged breath and continued to explain speaking into Ashley's shoulder. "He never mentioned you'd attacked him John. Nikola was out getting parts for his latest invention when I changed your drip" Helen spat. "If it was down to my carelessness you woke up, you would have been long gone by the time he was back." Helen gulped in air trying to calm herself. "He never told me you had a altercation because he knew I'd know he was the one who had deliberately woken you up." She gulped in another breath as she explained.

"He'd had the idea of using electricity in the walls to stop you teleporting." Helen sighed. "It was a good idea. I knew it would be the best way to hold you once we got it working. But I told him until it was up and running, and we were sure it worked successfully it was too risky to use. Until we were sure it was 100 % effective it was not worth the risk of losing you." Helen choked up again this time shedding silent tears hugging her daughter tight. Her head still buried in Ashley's shoulder to hide her tears.

John couldn't keep up with the emotions swirling inside him. Anger, hurt disillusionment, pain, guilt, heartache! It would be so easy to blame Nikola. Blame him for the creatures continued use of him to cause chaos, terror and misery to all those around him. But truth was that it was John who was weak. Too weak to win the unending battle he had with it every day it was inside him. In the end it had taken John to find enough courage to poison himself and hope that the creature would return him to Helen in time to save him. He would have died had the creature not taken him back to Helen. Either way the result was going to be the same - he would now be free of its tormenting rage.

"As much as I'd like to blame Nikola" John forced himself to say "He is no more to blame than you were. It was I who ultimately let the creature escape." he shamefully confessed.

"No John." Helen lifted her head to look him in the eye. "It was not you. It was that creature, and if not for you keeping it at bay many more would have died."

John laughed bitterly "Yes I did such an excellent job of keeping it in check."

Helen shuddered - if the creature hadn't teleported him back after he poisoned himself she would have lost John forever. Helen shuddered with misery of the thought of never seeing John again. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and hold him. To try to heal the suffering they had both endured. But their was still so much pain and deceit between them. And a lie he may never be able to forgive her for - an introduction to his daughter. Loving John Druitt had never been a problem with Helen. It was trusting in their love again that would be the hard part. "John it was not you. Not the John I knew and fell in love with." she said softly.

John and Helen looked at each both wanting to say more but both frightened of the others response.

Helen broke eye contact. Afraid but mostly thrilled by the unspoken things she read in his eyes. "I'm still planning shoot Nikola when I next see him." she said returning her head back to Ashley's shoulder. Changing the subject and once again trying to regain her composure.

John laughed bitterly. "Yes well that I can sympathise with that. Nikola has a unique gift for invoking everyone's ire. And shooting him would shut him up for a while at least."

John drew in deep breath. She didn't blame him. He read that much in her gaze. He also understood now was not the time and place for that conversation.

Please God she would allow a time for them to have it. He silently begged.

Ashley looked at John her heart aching at the missed opportunities and bad luck that had obviously kept her Mother and John apart. "I'm guessing you only recently got rid of your leech?" Ashley quietly asked John.

John looked at his daughter holding the women he loved and wanted nothing more to wrap his arms round them both and hold them close while he wept. It had been such a long time since he felt at peace.

"Yesterday" he admitted warily suddenly very tired. "Helen finally got that thing out of me yesterday." John looked away from Helen and his daughter drowning in emotions he was struggling to keep in check.

"My God!" Ashley gasped in horror. "You've had that thing tormenting you all this time?" Ashley felt tears sting her own eyes as she finally understood the pain her mother and John had suffered. Ashley lifted one off her arms from mother and reached out and gently touched John's shoulder.

"I'm sorry" she said. "I can't imagine as worse fate then to be prisoner inside your own body." John had flinched as his daughter had touched him. And Ashley felt the tears in her eyes fall as she understood it had been a long time since anyone had touched this man in comfort.

"It's going to be ok now." Ashley said sounding much more convincing than she felt.

Helen drew in another harsh breath and looked up at Ashley's words. The child comforting her parents. She wiped the tears from Ashley's cheeks. "Oh Ashley" she sighed. Their was still so much to tell her but Helen felt exhausted. " Ashley" she began again. "I know this is a lot for you take in but theirs still some things I need to tell you."

Ashley had pulled herself together as her Mom was talking and her words brought back to Ashley the reason she followed her mother into the library what seemed a life time earlier. "Like how the hell you where able to find me tonight? And how you knew their would be trouble?" she asked her mother a glint of defiance entering her eyes and voice.

Helen looked at her daughter and smiled grimily. "Yes I knew you'd get round to that sooner or later" she sighed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sanctuary - Brandy and Tears Part 7**

Ashley looked slightly uncomfortable " I know I wasn't supposed to go out on my own" she said defensively. "But it was only to meet Lance." Lance was one of their snitches. " Anyway " she quickly rushed on, "You must have had Henry and the Big Guy on my case before got to the end of the drive. Cos as soon as I got to that warehouse they were already their and the Big Guy man handled me and my bike into the back of the van." her annoyance from earlier retuning.

"I ranted all the way home but neither Henry or the Big Guy would say a word. They just brought me back home in silence." Ashley continued glaring at her Mom "So when we got back I threatened Henry and made him check the warehouse for heat signatures to prove it was empty and that there was no danger." Ashley couldn't keep the disbelief out of her voice as she carried on. "But it showed the place crawling with people. Which it hadn't been when I'd left home an hour earlier." Ashley looked at her Mom questioningly. "How did you know Mom?"

"Yes Helen how did you know?" John asked softly. "No sooner had I come round and found I was free of that thing. You were demanding I teleport us here urgently. You looked like you'd seen a ghost Helen."

Helen slowly breathed in and out and turned to look at both John and Ashley.

John's question brought a flush of shame to her cheeks.

"I'm sorry John I being a terrible physician how are you feeling?" Helen asked not quite keeping the concern out of her voice.

"I'm fine Helen" he replied.

"Are you sure John?" the Doctor in Helen taking over. "I know the antidote worked but then we did stop your heart." she said worriedly.

"What?" Ashley asked shocked looking concernedly at John. "Bloody hell!" she said impressed he was up and about. And then "Shouldn't you be resting?"

John felt his heart swell at his daughters concern for his health. He turned to her mother giving her a stern look. "Honestly I'm fine thank you ladies and although I confess to being somewhat weary I too intend to hear the end of your mother's tale. I too would like some answers."

Helen closed her eyes at John's sharp tone to give herself a second before she continued. John had every right to be angry. She kept his daughter from him for over a hundred years!

Helen opened her eyes her defences firmly in place. She still wasn't quite ready to tell Ashley who her father was so answered Ashley's first question.

She looked Ashley straight in the eye prepared for yelling that was about to follow. "I had been monitoring where you were. I knew you chaff at being grounded and with me away I knew you take the opportunity to slip out." She gave Ashley a pointed look at this. Ashley had the grace to look sheepish. Her Mom could always make her feel guilty with just a look. "I'd been checking periodically and you were still safe." Helen paused talking a calming breath. "And after we re-started John's heart and got him stable I checked again." Helen's closed her eyes at the paralyzing terror that had gone through her. She was the other side of the world. She had finally freed the love of her life (and father of her child) from his demon and tonight Ashley chose rebel and put her life in danger. "The minute I saw you were in the drive I knew you were heading out so I immediately called Henry and the Big Guy." Helen sucked in more air. Remembering each tortuous second that had passed until she heard Ashley was ok. "Henry called to say they had you back safe but I was desperate to see for sure with my own eyes. I didn't want to leave until I knew John had come around ok." Helen looked at John begging him with her eyes to understand it was not the only reason as she said. "I also knew he was the fastest way I could get back to you."

"Yes but how the hell did you know where I was?" Ashley asked confused?

Helen drew in breath as she turned back to look into her daughters eyes as she confessed. "I knew where you where because once you'd had your first birthday I injected a tracking serum into your blood." Helen admitted in a rush. "It's a special formula I created and only I know how to track as only I know of it's existence. I've known your every movement your whole life. It's important I know where you are at all times" Helen finished defiantly waiting for the fireworks.

"What?" Ashley yelled. "You have got to be kidding me." she said shaking her head in hurt anger. She thought her mother trusted her. That they were a team. "All these years I thought you trusted me." The pain she felt making her snap. "You don't trust me - you never did. You just have me on an invisible leash." Tears of anger and frustration starting in her eyes. She felt so betrayed.

"Ashley please let me explain." Helen pleaded hurt by daughters resentment even though she expected it.

"Please do? I'd really like to hear your reason for this." her bitterness and anger clear in her voice.

"Ashley please." Helen begged "Your forgetting the letter."

"Letter?" Ashley struggled to focus through the agony of hurt she was feeling. It suddenly clicked what her mother meant as she remembered their earlier conversation. "You mean the one the future Helen left you?" Ashley inquired bitterly wondering what the hell that had to do with what her mother had done to her.

"Yes Ashley." Helen said closing her eyes as she started to tremble. A fact lost on nether John or Ashley who glanced at each other then back to Helen.

"Well what did it say Mom" Ashley asked reigning in her anger.

Helen drew in a deep breath and opened her eyes. She looked lovingly at her daughter. "In it she had wrote that I was going to have a daughter" Helen whispered with tears in her eyes again. Continuing quickly before Ashley delved into the how and why of that statement. "A beautiful baby girl." now smiling at the wonder of the memory of holding her darling baby girl for the first time. " A wonderful darling baby girl I would one day name Ashley. It said that every second I spent longing for you would be worth the wait to hold you safely in my arms. It said my Ashley would bring me some measure of peace at last." Helen reached out and ran a finger down Ashley's cheek. "She wasn't wrong." Helen drew in another deep breath and picked up Ashley's hand holding it tightly in both of hers. "You are the greatest and most important thing in my life and I could not be more proud of the women you have become. I love you more than anything Ashley."

Ashley was angry and wanted to stay that way but seeing her mother bearing her soul to her lessened that anger. " Everything I've ever done is to protect you Ashley." Ashley's anger flared again though at words and she saw John tense at them too.

Helen squeezed her daughters hand wanting her to understand she continued "But the letter also said that one day they would come take you away from me." Helen gasped out. The horror at almost losing Ashley choking her.

"Who Mom? Who would take me a way?" Ashley asked.

Helen drew in a deep breath "An underground organization that wants to bring about the end of all abnormals on earth." Helen rushed on the words tumbling out of her. "It said that they would steal you away and that I wouldn't be able to find you. That they'd do unspeakable things to you and that when I did find you wouldn't be you any more." Helen gasped fighting the horrific nightmares she had, had ever since she read that letter over century ago. "It said I lost you Ashley that you…." Helen broke down no longer able to hold back the tears.

Ashley gasped in horror as realised what her Mom meant. She pulled her hand from her mothers grasp and flung her arms around her hugging her tightly. Her anger abating in realisation that her mother had lived in fear all life with knowledge one day someone would kidnap and kill her daughter. "It's ok Mom I'm here." Ashley said finally understanding what a lucky escape she'd had. And how lucky she was her mother knew her well enough to know she would not keep to her curfew. "You stopped them Mom. They didn't get me." She rubbed her arms up and down her mothers back in comfort. "Don't worry I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. We are safe together now." Ashley hated to see her mother in such turmoil and wanted to ease her pain.

"You can put transmitters in my clothes if helps you to know I'm safe." She pulled back to give her Mom a watery smile "I'll even wear a little bell." Ashley joked trying to cheer her Mom up and lighten the horror of this last revelation.

It had the effect she wanted Helen burst out laughing stroking her daughters hair.

"How did I ever cope without you?" Helen asked her daughter. Trying to bring the conversation round to the one she been dreading for over a hundred years.

"You've never had to cope without me Mom and now you won't have too." she smiled back at her mother hoping to ease her fears with confidence she wasn't quite feeling.

Helen felt John tense beside her. He hadn't said word since she mentioned the contents off the letter but she had seen the horror in his eyes. His realisation he was finally free to know his daughter and that she nearly been taken from them. That she was in danger. She could see the pain in his eyes and the pulse throbbing at his throat. Helen pulled in a deep breath, It was time for father and daughter to finally meet.

"Your wrong Ashley. I have been without you." Helen whispered not trying to hide the pain and loneliness that went with the confession.

Ashley sat back confused. She looked her Mom in the eyes "What do you mean Mom?"

Helen reached out again to take Ashley's hand. Returning her look Helen finally confessed her greatest secret.

"I mean that when you were conceived Ashley it was a sin in the eyes are society to be a single mother."

Ashley looked at her Mom and froze. She understood. She knew her mother had been born into a different world. A world where women were second class citizens their only aim in life to snag a rich wealthy husband. Ashley shuddered at the thought. Her mother had been born over a hundred years ago and she had just gone through an emotional ringer to carefully explain to Ashley exactly who her lover was back then. Her Mom had told her about her father of course. She told her how Helen had loved him. She told her that wherever her father was now (Ashley took this to mean he was wherever people went to when they died and passed on) he adored her. When she thought about it she supposed her Mom had never actually lied to her in actual words.

Ashley closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath trying to sort out the hundreds of emotions going through her mind. She finally understood what her Mom had been trying to tell her all evening.

Ashley finally opened her eyes to see her Mom pleading with her with her eyes. Silently begging her to understand.

Ashley drew in another deep breath and turned her head to meet the eyes of the man she now knew was her father. She could see fear and hope in his eyes. Ashley smiled at her father. "Bloody hell its been a rough few days for you." she said suddenly grinning at him. "You eventually get rid of the psycho that had set up camp in your body for the last 100+ years and then gain a daughter. You don't get a minutes peace do you?" Tears silently falling down her cheeks.

John couldn't hide his shock. This amazing child had just found out Jack the Ripper was her father and she was worried about him.

"Ashley.." John choked on his daughters name.

Ashley sighed "I'm guessing this as much as shock to you as it is to me." she husked out. She turned back to look at her mother - the un asked question in her eyes.

Helen had managed to control her tears - she was done crying. "How could I tell him.?" she asked looking at Ashley. "Don't you think I wanted too?" the pain and loneliness evident in her voice. "Do you know how long I've had to wait to have you both here?" she dragged in a deep claming breath. Determined to shed no more tears. "I know this is all lot for you both to take in but freezing the embryo I carried back then was my only way to ensure Ashley's safety. And you can't believe the relief I feel finally being able to tell you both the truth." Helen said passionately finally free of the lies.

John looked at Helen. Trying to imagine how hard this must have been on her. Knowing he was the cause of her been parted from their daughter.

"I wished things could have been different" he ventured wondering where the hell they went from here and weather she would ever trust him again.

"You're here now." whispered Helen. Trying to keep the longing from her voice. She loved this man with her whole being but going to take time to mend all that had been broken between them.

John could see the emotions warring in Helen's eyes. He knew she still cared, still felt responsible for him but hardly dared to hope her feelings still ran deeper then that. "Yes I'm here now." he said softly. "And only time will tell where the now will led us." he murmured showing her with his eyes the desire and love he had always felt for her. He smiled seductively as saw the pulse in Helen's throat jump. The only out ward sign she gave his words had effected her. John looked at Helen and hope sprung into his heart like it had when they first meet at Oxford. Could it still be that she still loved him. That she would give him a second chance. John laughed his heart suddenly light - this time it would be different and if it was necessary he would spend the rest of eternity proving his devotion to her.

Then John drew in a deep breath and turned to smile tentatively at his daughter. "If you would allow, it would be with pride and pleasure that I got know you?" he said. His own mask in place hiding the deep fear that she would reject him.

Ashley felt tears sting her eyes. She chose her words carefully. "I'd like that" she forced out past the lump in her throat. " And it would be pretty cool to have you around." she grinned at him.

John returned his daughters grin careful not to scare her with the overwhelming emotion he already felt for his child.

"That's if it's ok with you Mom?" Ashley asked dragging her gaze back to her mother. Carefully watching for her reaction.

Helen had watched father and daughter grin at each other. A bond already starting to grow between them. She made sure her mask was firmly in place so as not too show exactly how much she wanted John in their lives.

"I think I could get use to you being around" she said to John. Not quite managing to hide the excitement she was feeling.

"Well then" said Ashley "I think this calls for another brandy." She suggested reaching out refill their glasses once more. She smiled at both her parents as she handed them both glasses.

John smiled and thanked his daughter having not felt this peaceful and hopeful in over a hundred years.

Helen smiled at them both. Herself, John and Ashley together at last. For the first time in over hundred years Helen felt herself start to really relax and look forward to the future.


End file.
